Once upon a time, there was a village on a beautiful lake in the mountains of a very faraway land that had perfect weather almost all of the time. The people fished, grew crops, raised families, were peaceful and happy, and spent a lot of time thanking their gods for their good life.
They had a very wise leader named Mixitupalot, who had prophetic dreams. One night, Mixitupalot had a clear vision of a group of light-skinned, strange invaders who would come to take over their land and change their lives forever. The vision also revealed the peaceful Mixit people repelling these strangers, not with bloodshed, but with sheer annoyance, by preventing the invaders from communing with the invaders’ gods in their strange ways.
It came to pass that in Mixitupalot’s lifetime, the Early Invaders (called an unprintable name by the Mixits) did arrive, and his prophecy became reality. Mixitupalot told his people that they could repel these ugly strangers by making as much noise as possible. The villagers, inspired and energized, built much larger drums and other noisy instruments. And, they began having much longer and louder rituals, which had previously been used to repel evil spirits—plus lions and tigers and bears. It had been a successful strategy.
However, the Early Invaders did not quite respond as expected. They were fascinated by the use of all the drums, but desired to change the rituals to better suit their own goals. These conniving conquerors showed the Mixit people a powder of wondrous properties which could be made to explode in the sky with much noise and bright flashes of light while propelling the peoples’ prayers to their gods.
The Mixits became fascinated by this miraculous powder. Its use began a strange hybrid of the customs of both groups of people, resulting in a new form of worship that propelled the prayers of the people to their gods, was mostly agreeable to both, and was a lot of fun, to boot. The explosive powder was used in a form that came to be known as Kwaytays.
This magical powder was also used in complex displays. The displays were constructed at fiesta sites and enhanced with all manner of thrilling, whirling, swirling, sparkly, spangly things which bore a curious resemblance to the spiral galaxies of outer space, supposedly invisible to the pre-modern human eye.
Centuries went by in the lovely fishing village with its many noisy and fun fiestas until new invaders began to arrive. With the vision of Mixitupalot entrenched in the DNA of his descendents, and the lore handed down from the elders, the Mixits realized what was happening and what they had to do.
The Later Invaders were not hostile or warlike, but rather, very annoying in some of their customs, such as their elders parading around the pueblo flashing their flaccid flesh as if they were perpetual teenagers, a propensity to anger quickly and complain about small things, and a somewhat arrogant but befuddled pomposity. Therefore, annoyance seemed to be the best way to get rid of them.
Mixitupalot’s descendants sometimes witnessed the worship of the Later Invaders, which curiously occurred not in public rituals, but inside their houses. These people had strange devices that allowed them to connect to their main god, Haytec, and his daughter, Teleheroina, and her brother, the lesser, but still great god, Gugul. They spent hours a day worshipping this trinity, but that required perfect quiet and concentration—a somber form of worship, indeed.
The descendants of Mixitupalot then made their own worship rituals even louder and more frequent, hoping that their exuberance would interfere with the connection of the Later Invaders to their gods and that they would just leave out of frustration.
Neither group wanted all-out warfare, so a certain subtle friction ensued between the Mixits and the Later Invaders. The Descendents of Mixitupalot loved their traditions too much to change, and the Later Invaders loved the weather too much to leave.
Eventually, an uneasy truce evolved, and both groups lived happily ever after. Sort of.
In modern times, it came to pass that some of the descendents of Mixitupalot traveled to the original country of the Later Invaders. Somewhat familiar with their culture and ways, the Mixit people were then able to see the invaders in the context of their own strange culture.
Upon seeing the incomprehensibly drab and identical houses that the invaders lived in, the Mixits wondered why these people didn’t paint their houses in colors like orange and turquoise and pink and purple, like back home.
Upon seeing the fussy and hyperactive invader children, the Mixits wondered why they forced them to worship their indoor gods all day, and not let them out to run around and play and have fun like normal children.
Upon experiencing the insanely hectic pace of life there, especially around centers of business at Christmas, a holy time around the world, the Mixits wondered why these people didn’t just slow down and enjoy life and the company of one another.
The descendents of Mixitupalot also wondered why the invaders couldn’t manage to sing and play some cheerful music and dance once in a while. Why couldn’t they laugh heartily without watching Teleheroina? With all their apparent riches, these people never really seemed very happy.
But most of all, the descendents of Mixitupalot wondered why these Later Invaders simply didn’t celebrate more often. In their cheerless, puritanical, workaholic culture, these dour people only had one or two days a year where they used anything resembling Kwaytays to bring joy to the people.
What kind of people would want to live like that?